Spree

I'm on a negative thought spree, and I know what my problem is. It's that I'm moving again after three days, and I'm not exactly prepared. And yet, I have no control over my own schedule, and I will be the one facing consequences later. On my own.

I guess I don't always like going out. I have wanna-be-a-clam days where I'm very happy staying home all day, occasionally chatting with JL mint and otherwise spending time doing my own stuff.

What might seem like an hour worth of job takes me a couple or a three, and fair enough that's probably my fault, but so what if it took me 5. If it gets done, it's done. Right? No. No because it then interferes with the program of the day arranged by the queen of the house, mom.

I seriously don't need so much parenting.

Oh R, I'm only now realizing what freedom I have when I'm at uni. I mean, I knew I was a free bird, eating, sleeping, studying whenever I desired, and there was nothing controlling me other than the class schedule of course. But now that I am here, I truly see what a blessing it is to be on own.

I wouldn't think like this if and only I was given some thought. And respect. They all love me but they only love me in the way they want and it's not what I would like. In fact I think I hate it.

I don't want them to spend time with me where I don't want to. I don't want to turn the offer down and then have them upset for me not wanting to be with them. It's not that. I just don't want to go there. Don't they see I love granny chai time, at home, in the kitchen or on the sofa? The big fashionista bitch cafe at the great grand mighty mall tires me. I would love it if they stopped insisting I do this and that.

If I wanted something for 10lv that only I liked, it's far too expensive and a jobless student like me should not feel free to ask for it. But if they like it, and I don't want it but they wanted to buy it for me, then 100lv is ok because they like it. So much logic in their shopping. But whatever, it's their choice. I just don't need to be joining it because it frustrates the whale out of me.

I think we only function as a family when all 5 of us are at one location, neutralizing eachother's toxin. Mom has always been a control freak, but there was always dad for her to pay attention to and serve so it was ok. Now that all her attention is on me, this. seriosly. kills.

Mom sasy that I'm becoming like a mask. With no emotion on the face. If she can see that, why doesn't she try to do anything about it? Why continue being the cause? Blame me for not liking a dictator in my life?

I'm going out with my sister today so hopefully I will have something much better to rant about tonight, and hopefully some pictures too.


H